Hi,

I can't imagine what you are going through right now, despite this, I do feel for you.

I have been visiting this site for the past week and have registered here myself.  I have my own problems going on but I also love to see what others are experiencing.  I hope what i have to say now is helpful for you and anyone else who reads it.

I was gay until some 11 years ago.  My parents were and still are very committed Christians and I feel they were not able to adaquately manage the situation when they became aware of my sexuality.

They sent me to Church.  I had to go.  They limited my free time and money (I worked full time and earnt approx $450.00 per week), they read my mail and regualrly checked my room and would not let me associate with certain friends.  I wasn't able to do anything spontaneous.  They thwarted and stifled my creativity.  Most sadly, through this, they drove me away.  I moved out of home within weeks of turning 17 and went and did my own things.  I was very ostracised from them.

I was stuck as a young person who was falling apart with no supports feeling totally unloved.  I was a bad person and God would give up on me if I did not change.  It seemed to me that wanted my parent, church and others wanted was perfection.  I couldn't attain perfection so I turned my back on it all.

Within 12 months, I was going to gay clubs, bath houses and engaging in risk taking behaviour and acting out sexually whenever I could.  My life revolved around it.  I kept all this secret from everyone around me.  I became someone else and lost touch with myself.  I became who and what everyone else wanted.  I felt that I had nowehere to turn.

There is much more to story.  In essence, your son needs you and he needs your acceptance of him.  It is ok to disagree with his choice and not accept that choice, but please don't reject your son.  He might not admit it, but he needs you and that love that you give.  If there are other significant males in his life right now, good and strong men, he needs them too.

I don't know if this is useful for you.  I guess in some ways I can relate to both you and your son.  As a married man, I can relate to what my parents experienced and how they tried to help (which really didn't and actually made things worse), but in trying to help, it was their love that fueled and motivated them.

Let love fuel and motivate you but can I also encourage you to dialogue with your son and to ask him what he wants of you, how it is that you can support him.  It will be a tumultuous time for him in his identity as a man.

Love him back to God.  Encouarge his relationship with God.  If he truly loves God and has willed his life to God, he will be restored.  Be assured that God will work, even if you can't see it.  It won't happen according to your timeframe and God will work so differently to you or I.

I would be happy to chat with you or your son further or you may choose not to and that is okay too.

Please don't blame yourself.  Parents do the best job that they know how to do.  He hasn't chosen this path right now becasue you've not parented him properly.  From what you have said he has a love for God - that means the most important part of parenting has been done.  Now as an adult he has to work out rest of who he is.

Hold him up and be an example as best you can, be there for when he needs his mom and keep the light on so he can see the way back to port.

Thoughts and prayers,

Tim 

I am gay  man myself, and i understand this must be hard for you. But do you have any idea how hard this was for your son. Discovering that he as gay, going through denial and all the other changes until he was finally able to accept himself. Ye seem to be talking about it like its a life style choice, its not. If your gay there is nothing you can do about it. Sure you can pretend that its not there or abandon your son but that will only tear your family apart and in the end your son will still be gay, so it just makes matters worse. what you need to do is tell your son that you still love him and accept him.  Its your son that needs the support.  Also sending your son to a christian group claiming to be able to change your son is not a good idea. I went to one of them and trust me all it dose is make you feel wrong again and you find yourself back in the closet. Personally i don't understand how your not gay anymore monkey, because that just dosen't happen, and deep down there somewhere you know it.

I can see that Christianity is a big part of your life, and i do realize what the bible says, but it also tell the story of Ruth, a lesbian and another story about two gay men not to sure what its called. If you read the bible properly and understood it fully you would then realize that you shouldn't take completely word for word. Read this, it will make you understand better( the writer is being sarcastic)

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your radio show, and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific Bible laws and how to follow them.

a) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbors tell the zoning people. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them.  Should I smite them?

b) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. What do you think would be a fair price for her? She's 18 and starting college. Will the slave buyer be required to continue to pay for her education by law ?

c) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense and threaten to call Human Resources.

d) Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? ....Why can't I own Canadians? Is there something wrong with than due to the weather?

e) I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should this be a neighborhood improvement project ? What is a good day to start? Should we begin with small stones? Kind of lead up to it?

f) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than
homosexuality. I don't agree. I mean, a shrimp just isn't the same as a you-know-what. Can you settle this?

g) Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading
glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here? Would contact lenses fall within some exception?

h) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27. How should they die? The Mafia once took out Albert Anastasia in a barbershop, but I'm not Catholic; is this ecumenical thing a sign that it's OK?

I) I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

j) My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing
garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really
necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev.24:10-16) Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

 I am sorry to be so blunt but that is the reality of the bible, and that you shouldn't take everything it say so seriously. If your son is a good person that dosen't hurt anyone else then that makes him a good christian.  And him being gay doesn't hurt anyone. So basically what i am tring to say is just love your son and accept him for who he is and forget about the bible for five minutes, if you truly love him you should be able to accept him.....

p.s. i hope i helped and i am not telling you to turn your back on your faith, i am just saying don't let it run your life and ruin your relationship with your son...because god defiantly wouldn't want that

Hi, wow your week sounds exactly like mine. The only difference is my son doesn't know I know. I took him away to his college and was suspecting he'd been sneaking around about something. I did some investigating and found out he's currenly having a gay relationship. He's been active in the church and had even given sermons before. He was the class president, most likely to succeed...ect... I am just devasted. I am a divorced mother, so I am blaming myself. I don't date or anything. I thought I was doing what was best for my son. Now I wonder if I should have remarried so he'd have a male role model since his father wasn't in his life too much. Now I don't know whether to wait until he tells me or let him know I know. I felt like I was all along going through this. We could cry on each others shoulder if you want and maybe somehow we can get through this. I even want to move out of town because I dont' want anyone to ever know??

I have a son who just turned 12 years of age and he told me that he is bi i like to had died we haven't spoken in about a 2 week period since children services took him but I need to know if he really is going to be a gay man running around are is he to confused to know the difference in his sexuality It actually scares me cause I don't know what to do. He doesn't have a father around and when i told his dad what he said his dad called him a fag what do i do.